I cried in having the feeling of missing my home so much. Cried in realizing that all this while, more often than not, I knew a single lady and a man that can pay a full attention and concern upon the way I dressed. The way I talk. The way I lived as Muslim. Lately, I feel so lonely though I lived in crowd. Busy with class. Still going to the forest even didn't have amali.
It's not that my friends are treating me bad. They had been nice. They truly are... Nonetheless, at times I desperately need a company who understand what a girl, a student, a daughter, a friend actually feels. A girl who try her best to perform herself as a caliph and abid. A girl who bear all these at the same time in an age considerably very young.
I've tried and trying my best for things to be decided as much as what I've seek the guidance from Allah for. Why would there be times when I can be so firm and sure about it and there would be times I hardly accept things happening in between or after? Why at times I can feel my heart and soul as bold as a steel and at times it turns into a fragile jelly?
Alhamdulillah Ya Allah
At first, I'm not ikhlas doing that. I'm not ikhlas wearing a loose shirt and pants or baju yang gedabak besar. I'm not ikhlas wearing such a hot and troublesome tudung labuh. I'm forcing myself to do all those things.
Some people might say. if you are doing something without ikhlas, then you are and get nothing. You just waste your time. Waste your energy.
"Bertudung nie perlukan keikhlasan."
"Saya mahu berubah kerana saya sendiri yang ingin berubah. Saya mahu melakukannya dengan ikhlas, bukan disuruh."
"Buat apa pakai tudung kalau hati tak betul."
Remember dear, wahai puteri agama... Allah has ordered all Muslim women must cover themselves either sincere or insincere, like it or not, someone else asked or arising from her own heart. Same as prayer, zakat, fasting, and all instructions or prohibition in Islam. But if she stubborn and does not cover herself, for reasons NOT SINCERE, DO NOT WANT TO HYPOCRISY and so, her actions in the sight of Allah makes SINNED physically and spiritually, or in other words, she sinned TWICE.
Alhamdulillah, now I know what and how does 'tutup aurat' really mean. It's not only about wearing a tudung.
It's not a matter of ikhlas or not. It's matter of KEWAJIBAN. Believe me, ikhlas will come later. Put Allah in the very first place. Everything has their own reasons. Same goes to this. Why Allah ask us to really cover our aurah?? Yes, it really has its own reasons. Allah ask us because He know we able to do so...
Forgive me O Allah, for able not to all- the- time put my 100% faith in You..
Forgive me O Allah, for able not to all- the time being an obedient slave for You..
Forgive me O Allah, for able not to all- the- time try my best to reach for Your love..
Forgive me O Rasulullah, for able not to all- the- time prove that I'm one of your Ummah who deserve your love and syafaat..
Nur Jannah Kaspuni
Lucky. Lucky. Lucky
Perhaps dapat tolong cover balik zaman zaman dulu punya kekurangan.