Friday, 8 March 2013

I'm still a dad's girl.

When I ask for anything which is best for me to me and best for me to You. Besides blessings, You pour me me with a numerous hardships and trials with the combo of great guardian angels that dear me so.

When my dependency to You consciously or subconsciously is fading

Where I was drowning in deep mourn over their absence around me
When words over words poured to me are just hurting instead of comforting
When my tears seem to have no end from flowing
You pull me up, the way You always did.

When You did all this to me
And I reminisce all the things I've been through because of You
I realize, You know me well. Perfectly well.

Allah, Allah, Allah...

I was upset. Very.
I cried in having that feeling. I've tried and trying my best for things to be decided as much as what I've seek the guidance from Allah for. I cried and cried the whole night. Praying and desperately bursting everything to Allah.

So much things I need to think and consider. I feel betrayed. 

After my pathetic, so- called baby like crying and talk to ayah and mak this morning, I somehow feel rejuvenated. Grateful. Blithely grateful. Tapi, malu bila menangis mengadu semua dekat mak ayah.

Rasa macam kena tembak dari depan, belakang, kiri dan kanan. Tak mampu nak tepis semua benda nie dalam satu masa. I feel wanna give up on everything.

I ask my dad, why Allah give me such a numerous pain. I cant bear it. Saya tak mampu ayah. Classmates put so many bad speculations on me. Then my dad said, "Allah will never burden us more than we can bear. Allah nak angkat darjat cek tu dengan kesabaran. Kuatkan semangat. PDRM pun kuat kat Lahad Datu. Aih, duduk dalam hutan 2 minggu, takkan ujian macam nie tak boleh nak tahan. Semangat semangat. Mengadu kat Allah."

Ayah, saya nie perempuan. Walaupun, boleh duduk dalam hutan sorang sorang, anak perempuan ayah nie tetap ada sifat lembut dia. Tetap ada hati dan perasaan. 

'Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan. Sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan.' Quran: 94: 5-6

Touched with verse and the whole surah. This is Allah's words. Dua kali Allah ulang. Kenapa nak ragu ragu? Allah give me a test so that I can crying, praying and bursting everything to Allah. Yakin.

Alhamdulillah ya Allah, for the most heart soothing gift from you. What a blessed gift from You. Mak Ayah, redhailah anakmu ini. Sesungguhnya, keredhaan Allah terletak pada keredhaan ibu bapa.

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