Allah, I know You are listening.

I don't know who actually I can talk to. Express my feeling to...

I feel like wearing a  mask of a happy care-free face whilst having such a crying, shivering heart inside :"(

I'm not feeling so well for this 2 weeks. I cried and cried the whole night. Cried in having this pain. Praying and desperately bursting everything to Allah. Thanks God for giving me these remembrance pain. I slept with swollen eyes and breaking heart.

I was upset. Very.

So many reasons for me to cry to.

For not knowing and experiencing as much.

Realizing that they will graduating and leaving me soon.

My kakak usrah. They will leaving me soon. Allah gave me this opportunity to know them. Such a great experience to know them. It is a very short time for me to know them. I realized, this is the time for me to upgrade myself. They are one of the most heart-soothing gifts from Allah to me.

I feel lonely though I'm there in the crowd. I miss mak ayah so much. Serious, I feel so lonely.

Astagfirullahalazim, sometimes I don't think my choice to study in here is right. Far from mak ayah really make this so-called tissue like heart hurt. It hurt my heart so much. Yes, It does. Lately, I had many conversation with mak ayah so much regarding to my pain.

Me: Ayah, sakit sangat. Nak balik.

Ayah: Cuti berapa lama? Tiket murah ka?

Me: Cuti 2 minggu. 

Ayah: Sabar dan tenang. Ayah, kalau ada duit ayah beli tiket ayah pi sana tengok.

Me: :"(

How much and how far do I actually able to define that the targets in my life are reached? It's all in the hand of Allah.. That's the reason for those tests from Allah. Teaching me and making be stronger, helping to erase if not much then a little sins I've done, In shaa Allah...

Victory in life is not only about our joyous cheers in academic. It is, howbeit as part of the many other pieces in the jigsaw of life we have in proceeding to the real life ahead: hereafter, akhirah. We have other roles in this life too...

Allah knows better what we deserve to get at certain time and condition. Things are written there, safely kept by Him..

Forgive me O Allah, for able not to all- the- time put my 100% faith in You..

Forgive me O Allah, for able not to all- the time being an obedient slave for You..

Forgive me O Allah, for able not to all- the- time try my best to reach for Your love.. 

Forgive me O Rasulullah, for able not to all- the- time prove that I'm one of your Ummah who deserve your love and syafaat...

Sincerely,

Nur Jannah

After almost a month live without my spectacles and not seeing many things clearly, I already got mine.