Mind rant #1 : Masa silam

Andai masa itu bisa diputar kembali.

Pasti  aku akan membetulkan kesilapan aku.

Namun tidak mungkin masa bisa diputar.

Aku bukan Doraemon si kucing biru itu.

Hidup diburu dosa dosa silam amat menyeramkan.

Sering aku tertunduk memejam mata memikirkan kesakitannya.

Aku tahu rasanya bilamana bergelut dengan lumpur hitam.

Malah mengerti peritnya menanggalkan busuknya jahiliyyah.

Tapi, tanpa semua kesilapan yang lalu.

Tidak mungkin aku jadi seperti hari ini.

Masa yang berlalu buat aku mengerti.

Betapa indah dan manisnya susunan tuhan.

Tuhanku yang pengasih. Berikanlah daku beberapa harapan lagi. Untuk esok yang pasti tiba.

Tuhanku yang pengasih. Aku tetap memohon. Matahari masih bersinar esok dan esoknya.

tulus,

Nur Jannah

terima kasih masa silam

*senyum pandang langit*

The Mutual love

link

"I had a guy that I LOVE. And, I want to show him how much I love him. Then, I read a bunch of magazines. I watched Korean drama. Sat down in front of the laptop and google. Just, to find the tips and tricks to tackle man. What I got about the tips and tricks was I should give some presents. Or cook their favourite dishes. Or, give them some lovey-dovey and sweets talk. To do this and that. I was so into all these things. I spent my time choosing gift for him and wrapped them carefully. I looked up for the recipes of his favourite dishes and spent a couple of hours to make them and etc."

"When I was a kid, I was so in LOVE with Conan the main character in Detective Conan. He is and was not handsome. But I thought he was quite charming and pretty smart. Plus, magnificent. With his spectacles. His outstanding hair. I had a bundle of the comics. And watch the cartoon a lot. Fanatic fan. When someone told me that Conan actually a big man whose ate a medicine that made him into a kid, I still love him. True love I guess. hehehehe"

"When I was in secondary school, I would LOVE to become a doctor. Really love. I want to help peoples in needs. I know that when I become a doctor, I will get a big salary. hehehe. I want my pocket full of money. I want to get a big car. Bungalow. Married to a handsome doctor. Get a beautiful children. Travel around the world. And, Norway was and is in my wishlist and a-must-visit country. Such an outstanding life I got."

*********

Love means how you define it. 

It is probably impossible to find any human being who does not love. Most people love their families, spouse, friends, and etc. Others love status and money. You can tell a person's love for something and someone by what they do and how they act. 

And we love all of these things despite their TEMPORARY nature, despite the fact that they DISAPPOINT us sometimes. It is normal. And we all love for similar reasons-- We love people for the good side that we see in person or the way they treat us. We love things because of the ways those things make us feel.

Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. The true love that brings benefits to both is a love between Allah The Most Gracious with His servants. This love never disappoint us. This love will never let us down. This love will never bring harm to us.

How can we not love Allah? If we put together all the reasons why we love other people or things, then apply it to Allah. We should see that truly deserves the love is only Him. And because human being naturally love to love and love to be loved, only the love of Allah can satisfy our needs. 

Ibn Taymiyyah radi allah `anhu (may God be pleased with him) said: “The heart will not find complete happiness except by loving Allah and by striving towards what is dear to Him.”

When we love Allah, that love brings us closer to Allah and helps us build a strong relationship that can help us in this life and hereafter. Love of Allah requires us to love what He loves and to dislike what He dislikes. 

Hold on a second. I'm not saying that we can't love someone or something. It is part of human being. But, you need to love Allah the Creator of Love more than anything else. We should not love them more than we love Allah.

“And [yet], among the people are those who take other than Allah as equals [to Him]. They love them as they [should] love Allah. But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah ...” [2:165]

We can love families.

We can love friends.

We can love job.

We can love house.

We can love every single thing in this world.

But we can't love them more than we love Allah.

That's it.

You have to love Allah first in order to get love of Allah.

Love Allah by doing what a muslim should do-- 

Recite quran with the meaning. So that you can understand every single words Allah said.

Always remember Allah. So that He remember you more and more.

Choose what Allah prefers over what you prefer.

So that. You can have mutual love!

Yours truly,

Nur Jannah.

Kalau Lah Kau Tahu

Dalam kehidupan kita, terlalu banyak benda yang kita fikirkan. Terlalu banyak benda yang perlu kita hadapi. Terlalu banyak. Sehinggakan kadang-kadang kita rasa tak mampu. Rasa macam tak sanggup nak hadapi. Orang yang menghidap kanser tahap serius pun mampu singsing lengan basuh ayam, mampu berdiri megah teruskan hidup. Takkan lah kita yang alhamdulillah sihat walafiat nie boleh biar kita rebah??

Lain orang lain dugaannya. Lain orang lain stail ujian.

Ada yang diuji dengan anak.

Ada yang diuji dengan kesusahan.

Ada yang diuji dengan kesenangan.

Ada yang diuji dengan kesakitan.

Ada yang diuji dengan kesihatan.

Ada juga yang diuji dengan suami yang arrogant tak hengat dunia. Eh.

Ada juga yang diuji dengan pangkat dan harta. Baru sahaja dinaikkan pangkat, sudah berani mencaci orang. Baru sahaja ada kuasa, sudah berani memalukan orang. Pangkat dan harta juga ujian. Allah nak tengok sejauh mana bersyukur nya dia dikurniakan pangkat itu. Syukur atau kufur?  

Tapi yang aku pasti, setiap ujian dan dugaan yang Allah titipkan, memang ada hikmahnya. Semakin Allah sayang hambaNya, semakin berat ujian terhadapnya. Janganlah kita suka mengeluh dan marah tatkala diuji. Redha dan pasrahlah. Ya, bukan senang untuk aplikasikannya. 

Bila kau nampak seseorang diuji, jangan pernah merendah-rendahkan ujian itu. Kau tak tahu bagaimana dia cuba untuk lawan. Kau tak nampak bagaimana dia bangun setelah kecewa. Kau tak dengar bagaimana dia berdoa dikurnia hati yang kuat lagi gagah. Belum tentu kau mampu hadapi semua itu kalau kau diletakkan dalam kasut dia (Baca: Put you in their shoes). Tapi sedarlah, cantiknya air laut. Tenangnya air laut. Allah sahaja yang tahu rahsia di dalamnya. Begitu juga dengan kehidupan manusia. Riang dan ketawa. Tetapi cuma Allah yang mengetahui rahsia kehidupannya.

Gelak. Ketawa. Gumbira. Jangan pernah kau sangka dia tiada masalah. Selagi dia bergelar manusia, selagi hayat dikandung badan, selagi itulah dia akan diuji. Bagaimana hakikat seorang pelajar yang kerap ada peperiksaan.

Hidup ini adalah untuk diuji. Ujian itu takkan ada noktahnya. Tidak akan pernah berhenti. Selagi kita diuji selagi itulah kita masih hidup. Jadi, bersyukurlah. Ujian itulah jalan Allah 'memperkenalkan' dirinya.Pada ujian sakit, Allah memperkenalkan diriNya yang Maha Penyembuh. Pada ujian miskin, Allah memperkenalkan diriNya yang Maha Pemberi Rezeki. 

Untuk bersedih, tiada masalah. Itu lumrah. Kau manusia. Aku juga manusia. Kau ada hati. Aku juga ada hati. Jadi, itu normal. Kalau kau tiada perasaan, itu yang tak normal. Cumanya, janganlah biarkan perasaan menguasai diri. Kawal. Islam ada cara tersendiri untuk atasi segala macam jenis ujian. Bukan menangis bagai nak mati. Kita bukan hidup untuk selamanya. Jadi, kenapa kau anggap masalah ini akan berlarutan tanpa kesudahan?

Apa pun yang menimpa diri kita, in shaa Allah akan menjadi kebaikan kalau diambl dengan sikap positif. Islam dah gariskan cara-cara menghadapi masalah. Dalam Quran pun, pelbagai tips tersedia. Cumanya masalah kita manusia, berapa kerap kita buka Quran? Berapa kali seminggu kita baca surat chentaNya? Ke buka Quran bila ada pertandingan tilawah sahaja atau buka Quran Khamis malam Jumaat baca Yasin? Jadikan surat chentaNya sebagai manual dalam hidup. 

You don't have to tell the world, what is going on in your life. You do not have to show the people, how you struggle in your life. Never tell people what is your problem. People don't understand you. It is rare to see people understand you and stay behind you. Just tell Allah. Because Allah never break your heart. Allah never fails to help you. Never.

Kalau semua terjadi mengikut yang dirancang, bersyukurlah. Tapi, kalau tak menjadi seperti yang dirancang, extra bersyukurlah kerana ia terjadi mengikut perancangan Allah.

Bila kau diuji, bangun. Berlari. Berlari. Berlari. Berlari. Bila kau dah jumpa garisan penamat, berhenti dan senyum. Jatuh boleh. Cuma bangun kembali. Jangan pernah jatuh, dan tak bangun bangun.

Kalau hari ini, kau pergi jumpa doktor dan doktor bagitahu kau cuma boleh hidup sebulan, pasti hari esok kau hidup terpaling hidup. Percayalah.

tulus,

Nur Jannah.

Kalau lah kau tahu hikmahnya.

Ahmad Ammar, kehilangan seorang mujahid

Hairan.

Bila mana dia tidak ku kenal.

Apatah lagi bersua muka.

Ceritanya cuma melalui media.

Namun mampu menggetarkan jiwa.

Membangkitkan semangat.

Untuk ku teruskan sunnah Nabi.

Dia.

Bukan sesiapa di dunia.

Aku tidak kenal dia.

Kau tidak kenal dia.

Mereka semua juga tidak kenal dia.

Tetapi ku pasti satu.

Dia selebriti terkenal.

Di langit sana.

Didunia selepas mati dia.

Sentap.

Bila mana ku tahu.

Usia kami sama.

Bezanya cuma.

Dia dahulu meninggalkan.

Dunia fana yang sementara.

Dulu.

Dia juga hidup seperti aku.

Tadika. Sekolah. Universiti.

Kami bersama menyaksikan.

Kezaliman yang berlaku di dunia.

Cumanya takdir Tuhan berbeza.

Semasa hidupnya.

Sudah banyak dia membantu.

Sudah banyak dia berjasa.

Dalam memperelok ummah.

Hidup dia bersama perjuangan.

Mati pula dalam perjuangan.

Hebat.

Dibumi yang asing.

Kematiannya dihadiri ramai.

Berbeza warna dan bangsa.

Ditakdirkan Tuhan.

Jasadmu bersama pejuang agama Allah.

Pasti.

Umur bukan tahap ukuran.

Tahap kematangan dan keimanan.

Pelbagai misi dia hadiri.

Membantu saudara yang disayangi.

Bermohon agar syahid.

Bersemadi di syurga kekal abadi.

Aku yakin.

Umur bukan penentu.

Izrail datang menjemput.

Menghulur salam sakaratul maut.

Aku pasti menyusul kemudian.

Cuma bagaimana akan ku.

Mengakhiri kehidupanku.

Itu tidak ku pasti.

Kelihatan peluh masih ada di sekitar kening dan mata.

Pemergian Ammar adalah kematian yang menghidupkan. Dalam keadaan yang tak disangka sangka.

Sincerely,

Nur Jannah.

True or Fake?

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Being born in a Muslim family and spending most time in this heavily-Muslim-populated country (not so-called Muslim country, eh) undeniably, we can say that actually we are not fully understand the faith that we said we believed in. We basically do what our parents and our teachers and the society told us to do. And, we would avoid doing whatever, that are out of the norm. We all grew up accepting the facts that we have to pray 5 times daily, we have to fast during ramadhan, we have to wear hijab for muslimat, we have to make good deeds, we not permit to eat pigs, we can't drink alcohol, we can't touch those dogs, we can't do this, we can't do that, bleh, bleh-bleh. Ya, we all grew up accepting what are do's and don’ts. Just accept. 

But, do we understand why?

This is a very sad reality and facts. We don't even understand or know the reason behind our ibadah, our acts of faith. Why are you praying? What do you say in your prayers? Why do we need to fast during ramadhan? Why we need to cover the aurah? Why we have to do good deeds? Why we can't drink alcohol? Why we not permit to eat pigs? They (non-Muslim) said, the pigs-- are freaking damn delicious and yummeh. And, the list goes on. I can simply said, that we not understand at all. The questions look simple-- asking things what we do on daily basis. Why, why, and why. But, we cannot really explain. Isn't it weird?

We don't even know why we are doing these. We not even know why we don't do that. 

If we are really the real muslim, why we can't answer? Because, we are so used to follow what society does, to do things rather blindly. That we don't even have time to dwell a little bit deeper into our ad-Deen. One might say that Allah knows better than we are. We just have to do. Ya, I'm so agree with that? But, the crucial point is--

Are we the real muslim?

We said we are muslim, but are we praying 5 times daily, on time?

We said we are muslim, but are we really doing da'wah?

We said we are muslim, but how much we use quran as our manual?

We said we are muslim, but how many times we follow sunnah?

We said we are muslim, but are we really wearing the proper hijab instead of those glamorous turban style?

We said we are muslim, but do we really mind what come out from our mouth?

We said we are muslim, but do we raise our hands and make some du'a for our brothers and sisters-- Palestine, Syrian, Egyptian, and all over the world?

Come on peeps. If you say that you are Muslim, prove it. Show it. Act likes one. Perform solah on-time. Wear proper hijab. Mind your words. Make du’a for everyone. Left all the bad things. Start doing something. For ummah or family or just for yourself. Don't just become Muslim and proud with your identity card that was written Islam as your religion. Islam is not only religion. Islam is the way of life.

Islam as a tradition?

Islam as a family?

Islam as seek?

I think none of us exempted from doing mistakes. It would definitely and absolutely be better if we actually go a bit further and a little bit deeper with what and why we are doing them. Because then we had be able to find all the more beautiful reasons behind our acts of faith, and in shaa Allah it will make us more istiqamah in what we are doing. And, isn't it one of many path to Jannah? huh.

sami'na wa ato'na,

Nur Jannah.

20

alhamdulillah.
No fancy celebration this year just like last year how I celebrate my birthday in forest camp.
 And this year, semester break.

Occasionally reading texts and tags and posts.
beautiful wishes and prayers.
and some cheeky jokes too.
they never fail to make me feel all bubbly inside.

I have a bucket-load of wishes for my 20th year, truthfully.
some are very special ones too. *yuhuuuuu*
but i leave it to Him.
Let Him decide what is best.
I can only ask and do my best.

God--
undeniably, a very great thank you to the Mighty for,
always giving me a chance to become better from day to day.
always pour me with His love.
always letting me breath smoothly.
even, always I disobey Him.

My oldest best-friend, ayah--
thank you for being a great and marvelous
thank you for always spending time and money
to grow me up till this moment
sacrifice everything. dignity. time.
just to make us smile widely.

Thanks go to--
Bangcun. Kak Ila. Kak Syuhada. Najwa. Dikmat. Balqis.
always there for me.
to make me laugh loudly.
to make me cry badly.
to make me spend my money crazily. (eh)
but, thank you for being the greatest siblings perfectly.

I must thank--
my murabbi and friends.
for your wisdom. patience. gracious ways.
for helping me unlock so many doors in my life.
to complete all this so-called tangled life.

Everyone around me--
thanks for coming to my life.
whose opinion I am appreciated much.
whose opinion I am addicted.
helping me edit every single mistake I did.

Last--
I don't know how to thank my lovely yet strict mom-- Mak
a very special thank you.
for all the pain of giving birth to me.
and putting up with her daughter.
raised me up. fed me.
comfort me with her warm love.
i love you.

May Allah showers us with His mercy and blessings.
and to make us more thankful slave.
who will never forget Him.
in happiness or sadness.
in shaa Allah wa amin.

thank you, Ya Rabb.

Selamat 20, Nur Jannah.

Cry, as much as you want.

Quran, Yunus, 10:12

kofff kofff. Mind blowing.

I have nothing else to do. Thank God my brain is still functioning. But letting just the brain do its works, not make my day any better. 

I just finished my final exam after all those sad, laugh, hectic semester. Supposedly, my ticket flying back to Peninsular  is on 17 October. But, I think it will be a very boring day not doing anything. I decided to change the ticket. So, the new one is on 13 October so that I can have chance to celebrate Aidiladha at home.

Some papers, for me quite tough and some papers not, alhamdulillah. 

We always think Allah is just like Professor.When a Professor hands you an exam question, he step back and watches. Are you going to raise your hand and ask for the answer? No, right. That is how we think about Allah. Allah is testing us. Allah want to know how we can do, how much we try. How much our dependence on Him.

We think Allah is like a Professor. We think we can't raise our hand and ask for help. In fact, the tests given to us in order for us to raise our hands and PRAY, ask for help.

Last time, when I don't know how to answer the question, I pray to Allah. From deep of my heart. 

"Ya Allah. Aku tahu aku cari Kau waktu susah ja. Tapi, kali nie ja. Pleaseeee..."

Allah know the very best. He created us. 

Sad. Ebelibodi in this world know and has that word. When something or someone made you overwhelmingly sad. Even though, we know that everything, every single thing comes from Him. But still feel sad. It's not wrong to feel sad. To feel gloom. It is fitrah. Not to say that we can't vent all those feeling. Just cry if you want. Shout everything. Kick anything you want.(Except maybe your innocent roomate). 

Unleash your feeling outside with all those feeling if you want to. 

But, never inside.

We may complain to Allah.

But we never can complain about Allah.

Complain, why me? Why You put this heavy burden on me? 

NO! We can't never ever complain about Him. 

NEVER.

Ever wondered.

Why must we are sad in the first place?

How sure we are, getting what we want will make us happy?

How can we be very sure, getting what we want will make things easier?

Are we sure, getting what we want will make us closer to Him?

Cry as much as you want. But, never let your heart cries along.

Try assuming and believe that Allah is just planing something better for you.

Sincerely,

Nur Jannah.