20

alhamdulillah.
No fancy celebration this year just like last year how I celebrate my birthday in forest camp.
 And this year, semester break.

Occasionally reading texts and tags and posts.
beautiful wishes and prayers.
and some cheeky jokes too.
they never fail to make me feel all bubbly inside.

I have a bucket-load of wishes for my 20th year, truthfully.
some are very special ones too. *yuhuuuuu*
but i leave it to Him.
Let Him decide what is best.
I can only ask and do my best.

God--
undeniably, a very great thank you to the Mighty for,
always giving me a chance to become better from day to day.
always pour me with His love.
always letting me breath smoothly.
even, always I disobey Him.

My oldest best-friend, ayah--
thank you for being a great and marvelous
thank you for always spending time and money
to grow me up till this moment
sacrifice everything. dignity. time.
just to make us smile widely.

Thanks go to--
Bangcun. Kak Ila. Kak Syuhada. Najwa. Dikmat. Balqis.
always there for me.
to make me laugh loudly.
to make me cry badly.
to make me spend my money crazily. (eh)
but, thank you for being the greatest siblings perfectly.

I must thank--
my murabbi and friends.
for your wisdom. patience. gracious ways.
for helping me unlock so many doors in my life.
to complete all this so-called tangled life.

Everyone around me--
thanks for coming to my life.
whose opinion I am appreciated much.
whose opinion I am addicted.
helping me edit every single mistake I did.

Last--
I don't know how to thank my lovely yet strict mom-- Mak
a very special thank you.
for all the pain of giving birth to me.
and putting up with her daughter.
raised me up. fed me.
comfort me with her warm love.
i love you.

May Allah showers us with His mercy and blessings.
and to make us more thankful slave.
who will never forget Him.
in happiness or sadness.
in shaa Allah wa amin.

thank you, Ya Rabb.

Selamat 20, Nur Jannah.

Cry, as much as you want.

Quran, Yunus, 10:12

kofff kofff. Mind blowing.

I have nothing else to do. Thank God my brain is still functioning. But letting just the brain do its works, not make my day any better. 

I just finished my final exam after all those sad, laugh, hectic semester. Supposedly, my ticket flying back to Peninsular  is on 17 October. But, I think it will be a very boring day not doing anything. I decided to change the ticket. So, the new one is on 13 October so that I can have chance to celebrate Aidiladha at home.

Some papers, for me quite tough and some papers not, alhamdulillah. 

We always think Allah is just like Professor.When a Professor hands you an exam question, he step back and watches. Are you going to raise your hand and ask for the answer? No, right. That is how we think about Allah. Allah is testing us. Allah want to know how we can do, how much we try. How much our dependence on Him.

We think Allah is like a Professor. We think we can't raise our hand and ask for help. In fact, the tests given to us in order for us to raise our hands and PRAY, ask for help.

Last time, when I don't know how to answer the question, I pray to Allah. From deep of my heart. 

"Ya Allah. Aku tahu aku cari Kau waktu susah ja. Tapi, kali nie ja. Pleaseeee..."

Allah know the very best. He created us. 

Sad. Ebelibodi in this world know and has that word. When something or someone made you overwhelmingly sad. Even though, we know that everything, every single thing comes from Him. But still feel sad. It's not wrong to feel sad. To feel gloom. It is fitrah. Not to say that we can't vent all those feeling. Just cry if you want. Shout everything. Kick anything you want.(Except maybe your innocent roomate). 

Unleash your feeling outside with all those feeling if you want to. 

But, never inside.

We may complain to Allah.

But we never can complain about Allah.

Complain, why me? Why You put this heavy burden on me? 

NO! We can't never ever complain about Him. 

NEVER.

Ever wondered.

Why must we are sad in the first place?

How sure we are, getting what we want will make us happy?

How can we be very sure, getting what we want will make things easier?

Are we sure, getting what we want will make us closer to Him?

Cry as much as you want. But, never let your heart cries along.

Try assuming and believe that Allah is just planing something better for you.

Sincerely,

Nur Jannah.